wounded healer

I'm a grief-recovery workshop table leader now.

I really can see how much I have grown and changed in the past year. When I went to the grief group for the first time one year ago, I wept through almost every one of the meetings. I felt so much pain and desperation.. it was agonizing. I also lost my job while I was in this group last year.

Now I can tell my story and I can talk about Mike's death without sobbing, sniffling, breaking down. Sometimes I still just have to stop and break down a little, but for the most part I can live with this as part of my personal history. I remember thinking about getting to the point when I could talk about Mike's death without crying. It seemed impossible for me back then. Now I wouldn't call it easy, but it is so much more normal. Having been to the support group all year and also going to the workshop twice myself already... I have told my story over and over to so many different people. That is a basic truth for grieving people... they need to tell their story. The more times you tell your story, the more healing. The sooner and more intensely you grieve, the sooner you heal and life gets back to normal. So it is a good piece of advice for friends and counselors, people who want to help the bereaved: listen. Encourage the person to tell the story over and over again. The more times they get that painful story out in all it's sad detail, the more they can handle it and be at peace. Holding it in, even holding in the tears or holding in the sadness can be compared to holding a beach ball under water. You can do it, you can keep it down if you put a lot of effort into it... but over time you might be tired or sore, it is always there needing to pop up and it takes effort to struggle to keep it down. Releasing emotions, telling the story, it is like letting the ball come to the surface where it can effortlessly float. No more constant struggle... just allow it to float there, let it be out in the open where anyone can see it... and it's not connected to you anymore either. It can float all around the pool... you don't have to hang onto it the whole time. You might even play with other things and not constantly just hold that beach ball down.