mike's pneumonia chronicles #9

I haven't had the energy or time to keep regularly writing every day on here. I know that some people are very anxious to know how you are doing, but mostly I use my energy being with you. The doctor (Julie) from Costa Mesa left me with massage oils so you have been enjoying acupressure/foot, hand, knee, head, arm massages usually after your dialysis every day.

Yes... you have been having full dialysis every day now. It is really interesting how it works. To really oversimplify things, you are peeing through a hose all the way across the room into the toilet and a machine the size of a compact refrigerator is filtering and doing the work of your kidneys. The actual filtration just takes place in a cylinder about a foot long and 2 or 3 inches in diameter. The sad thing is that you need this, the amazing thing is that the technology exists that helps people to live with their kidneys shut down. Thank God! Also, the nephrologist (kidney specialist) has said that your kidneys may recover when you are better. Usually within about three months they will know if you need to keep on dialysis or not. I will start praying for that when you beat the ARDS... they don't even call it pneumonia any more. ARDS is Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome... and it is scary. It is the result of your pneumonia infection. Your lungs are stiffened, and they are less than 10% working to oxygenate your blood. "Normal" healthy people do not use the full lung capacity either... more like 70%... but you have a double whammy to deal with: first- your infection (pneumonia) which is still present though there has been a "slight" clearing of it on x-ray... second- that darned hole in your right lung. The chest tube is still in place and air bubbles still are coming out through that tube as if it were an aquarium bubbler. I am meditating on an image of a hole closing up and praying for your lung to repair itself. You probably won't be able to come off of a ventilator until the hole closes. This is excruciating, because you know how impatient I can be.

Right now it is Monday night. Looking back, Wednesday was the absolute worst experience of my life. (It is very close with the previous Thursday 4:00 a.m. but Wednesday was even worse.) Amy, the nurse from Wednesday was your nurse again today. She was SO HAPPY to see that you were still there and doing comparatively so much better. She looked like she was just radiating happiness at your progress. Her reaction gives me hope. The doctors are not so quick to seem happy, though they are very pleased with your numbers too.

Today is the end of 5 whole days you have spent with your O2 levels in the 90's. You have temporarily dipped to about 88 or so after a chest x-ray, but bounced right back up. Today the doctors finally turned down your ventilator to 90% oxygen instead of 100%. You tolerated it well and were still in the 90's all day. If you do well also through the night, they will probably turn your O2 down to 85% tomorrow and see how you do with that.

You had a very special visitor over the weekend... all of your visitors love you, but this was really amazing Mike. Guess what! I finally met Cyd from Dayton, Ohio. I really like her a lot. She is a great person, and when she found out how critically ill you are she said that she couldn't NOT come. She spent the whole weekend here and got back home earlier tonight. She was glad to meet me, and Joey and Julia, and heartsick for the reason why. She spent a lot of time with you and helped me massage your feet and hands with oil.

Mike, you are a very beloved person. There are people all over the world sending their thoughts and prayers for your health and recovery. Two who really love and miss you are Joey and Julia.

On Sunday a.m. (Wendy Crilly and daughter Cayla had spent the night and Wendy was making all the kids pancakes) Joey sat at the table and started off something by saying, "Remember a long, long, long, long time ago when Daddy wasn't sick yet..." I don't remember what he ended up saying, but it illustrated so painfully to me how long they have missed you. Julia can't verbalize it as well as Joey can, but she is not acting peaceful through the night. She wakes up and needs a lot of cuddling and wants to be with me constantly.

So many people have been visiting you and also helping me out, Mike. Today Jeff Ricupito came by before I left for the evening from the hospital. There are too many to name, really. Joey and Julia's teachers at TBECDC have all constantly been praying for you and anxious for updates on your recovery. Our next-door neighbors weeded our front yard, and Jackie and Fred finally spread out the redwood chips we bought a few months ago. The yard looks nice.

Mike, I want you to know that you are beloved, you are worth it, you are an excellent father, a loving husband, an honorable man, and I love you. When this is all over you will be strong again. You will be able to do whatever you need to do to recover, I will be by your side for it. I never expected to know as much as I do now about ventilators, chest tubes, dialysis, blood transfusions, hemoglobins, heart rate, oxygen saturation, all of this stuff you are measured and prodded with! Your skin is in very good condition (no bed sores), your feet are getting softer (lotion and oil!), your fingernails are growing (no more nail biting - such a bad habit anyway!) and your hair is getting longer. (Sorry, no regrowth up on top that I'm aware of!) You will need a haircut when you can sit up again.

I have to go to bed.

Please no excitement during the night, OK? I love you, but I don't want to hear from the hospital until I call them when I wake up. Goodnight Mike.