mike's pneumonia chronicles #8

Hi Mike. Today is Friday. Your oxygen has been up in the 90's since yesterday morning, and that gives me hope. On Wednesday I nearly lost you.

My friend Stephen Simon came down from Big Bear to be with me and bring me to the ICU on Wed. morning. I haven't driven myself in over a week because of panic attacks. It was nice to see Stephen, and spend the morning with him, then go see you in ICU. Your oxygen numbers were barely 80% which is uncomfortable, but you were having dialysis so we were hopeful that they would go up afterward. Your nurse on Wednesday was Amy. She is 31, has a baby herself, and is very nice.

I went outside to sit in the fresh air with Stephen and my aunt Jackie arrived at about noon. We all talked and then went in to see you again.. still at about 80% and still finishing dialysis. We left to go eat something at around 1:00. We went to Anchos where I ate one taco. I have been having trouble eating very much.

After we ate and we were in the car heading back to the ICU, my phone rang and it was your nurse Amy. She made sure that I was with my aunt and said I needed to get right back there. I asked her what was happening and she said that you were "de-satting" meaning that your oxygen % was just dropping down. I was in a panic and Jackie drove fast. We got a lot of green lights, Stephen was holding onto my shoulders trying to comfort me too. Jackie drove me right up to the front where I jumped out with Stephen and we ran in. When I came into the room I saw you and your numbers were low. I think they were 70 or less... I watched your numbers drop and drop all the way down to 58. I held your hand, I touched your arm and head, I told you how much you are loved by so many people, how much we need you and you have so much more to do in your life. I told you to hang on to life, to remember that you are a daddy and Joey and Julia need you.

Mike, it was pure agony. Somebody made some confusion and said something about bringing the kids to the hospital. I don't know who said it, but it didn't make sense because they weren't allowed to come to the ICU anyway. It freaked me out because the social worker was talking about helping me talk to my children, and I insisted that they don't need that now because you are still here and your numbers are going back up again.

It is too hard to go into all of it... I was by your side for 5 or 6 hours and slowly your numbers went back up into the 70's... and after I think 4 hours you reached 80 or so. The Rabbi Suzanne Singer (Who has been a great comfort to me and I have gotten to know pretty well) came along with Cantor Bob... They sang a prayer for healing holding hands in a circle around your bed. They left and went to start the Yom Kippur services and the Rabbi began with telling the people about you and asking that they pray for healing for you. When they left you didn't look good at all.

At the hospital, they gave me a bed that night and I never left. Latesha was with the children (Millie picked them up, fed them dinner, and Latesha got them from her.) Also a physician who is a Quaker and lives in CostaMesa came out to help with the kids. Her name is Julie.

Jackie was there with me at the hospital and neither of us really slept much that night. Thursday a.m. I talked to your nurse (Steve) and your O2 was at 90/91%! We haven't seen it that good in a week! Yesterday you actually got up to 98 and hit 100 a couple of times. Keep it up, Sweetie!

Julie (the doctor from Costa Mesa) has studied accupuncture, accupressure, aromatherapy etc. She came to the hospital with oils and she went with me to massage and hold your feet, toes, knees, back of knees, abdomen, hands, fingers, chest, ears, head, and face. We spent over an hour holding the parts of your body and praying for you. It was a very loving massage... it felt like I had something to do. Perhaps it helped to get those high numbers? I hope so. I will do it again, every time I see you. I love you.

This morning I called (I didn't get the room for a second night) and you are around 98 right now. You are having dialysis and I am going in a little late this morning... maybe 10:45. I have just been trying to recoup some of the lost sleep. Jackie and Latesha both spent the night, my dad came by, Chuck and Trudy were here in the evening too.

I am happy for your numbers right now, but SO SCARED. I feel like I am on TOP of a rollercoaster and I just want it to keep on coasting with no more dips, definitely no more free falls. I'll see you soon. Keep up those good numbers, Sweetie.